Even in early youth, I began to ask the fundamental questions, but there were no answers: Life and Death; Being and Nothingness; Infinity and Eternity; whether there is a God, or the Universe is only a meaningless game of matter. And generally speaking, the biggest question of all: why is there something rather than nothing? Seeking answers, I was interested in the altered state of consciousness, read Carlos Castaneda and other books. Later I was engaged in Holotropic Breathwork for a while, but I did not have any "breakthrough", no mystical revelations. Moreover, at the end of Holotropic Breathwork sessions, many shared their experiences, told amazing stories that happened to them during the sessions, shared spectacular spiritual and emotional experiences, and I had almost nothing to say. Although I experienced some processes, but nothing exciting, extraordinary and mystical. I was also interested in Psychedelic drugs (although I never tried it), especially after reading the books of Stanislav Grof, the founder of Holotropic Breathwork, who conducted numerous studies of LSD and other psychedelics in the US at a time when they were not yet banned.
Nevertheless, the time passed, but the answers to the most important questions never came. I certainly read different books, but all this was just theoretical knowledge, not backed up by my own experience. And my soul yearned for practical knowledge, some kind of mystical revelation, my own experience. I am not religious at all, but speaking quite frankly, my soul yearned for God, although I doubted his existence.
I began to think that I would never get an answer, but one day I finally had that long-awaited chance...