The next thing I clearly realized
was "I AM!" "I am" of God himself. These words sounded
clearly in my head. The sense of the presence of God and his words "I
am" merged. These were the words of God that sounded in me again and again.
The meaning of this "I am" was not in trying to prove to anyone that
God exists, but in God's awareness of himself and his existence, in the
awareness of BEING itself.
This was the first truth that
opened to me. It was not my thought, which I deliberately thought in my head.
These were not just words that sounded in my mind from outside. It was an enlightenment,
a sudden, full and absolute realization of the very essence, the comprehension
of the truth itself. I repeated this phrase "I am" not just realizing
its meaning, but “living” it in its entirety, realizing the true profound
manifestation of being. I AM!
And then... I began to realize that
God and I are one and the same! God, whose presence I realized just now, and I
myself was now one. God is me, and I am God! It was also the clear truth I had
no doubts about it. "I am" was not only "I am" of God, it
was my own "I am!"
I became aware of myself as God. I AM!
What was happening to me was just
magic. Real magic. I felt it everywhere, inside and outside myself; the air was
filled with magic, and I literally felt it with my fingertips. These words
appeared in my head and said aloud: "This is magic! This is real magic!
"
From that moment on, everything I
said out loud was the real Truth. These were not just my words, they were the
words of God. The Word of God is the Truth. I did not just say the words, I “lived”
them, and I realized their deep essence. I lived the Truth itself.
My mind remained clear. Somewhere
in the depths, I tried to accept this incredible fact, the experience of the
reality of God. It seemed too impossible, grandiose and incredible! What
happened afterwards, dispelled the remnants of doubts...
Next >>
Facing Absolutely Nothing
ReplyDeleteI read this in one breath and I can't tell you enough how happy I'm I found this.
I really needed to hear this. I'm trying to integrate my Ayahausca experience and I'm struggling. It was grand, it was terrifying and I'm still having flashbacks.
It's very comforting to find similarities and to know I'm not alone, at least in some aspects of it. My experience was not so transcendental - it had an aspect of Divine Love, but it disintegrated and I fell into a Trap, Maya’s Trap, which felt like infinity of torture from which I could not get out, even by dying. Neither could I get back to my body for more than just a split instant at a time. I thought I was going insane being stuck in between. It was torture. I think I did go insane - because Time in that dimension does not exist or at least it’s not the same - I saw this world, the world I care so much about as not real, I, as not real - just a story. Everything I care about was being torn to shreds over and over again, until all I wanted was to die - but dying is a driving force behind Life, it’s the way Life regenerates and recreates itself - so dying is not a way to get out of the trap, you just get reborn back into the Trap and Life is the Trap. Samsara Wheel comes to mind.
Life is also a program, we all run on a program of our DNA, of our patterns that get ingrained in our minds.
It was not exactly me, as I know myself, who got trapped. I was the God that trapped itself.
The Hindi story explains it the best - the self-created Brahman was bored and so he created the Other - Maya. Brahman asked Maya to make it interesting, challenging and fun. So Maya took Brahman and made a giant mirror out of him. She then shattered the mirror into trillion pieces and scattered it all across the Universe and told him - go Find Yourself.
Whatever “I” was - I was 'that' looking for myself and finding myself again and again in a Trap. I was the God Self and I was the Maya. Each side playing against each other - each being the opposing force to each other. Every time I thought I found the way - which ultimately was Death and Surrender - I was reborn again and back into the Trap. I did it for what seemed like infinity - until I wanted nothing. Absolutely Nothing. Realizing that that’s the end game - Absolutely Nothing.
The strange and even creepy thing about that - a few years back - I had series of sleep paralysis episodes that felt like dealing with some dark entities in a very specific location only. I was able to tare that entity off myself - it was attached to my left side and feeding on me like a vampire. It was a black, formless blob - but I was able to hold it in my hands and asked it - who are you and what do you want. It answered very clearly - Absolutely Nothing.
There is a lot more to the story and to my experience, but I’m still processing and need time to write it out and flush it out of my system. It happened just two weeks ago.
I don’t know if anybody, including the author will read this. But if you do, I could use some help. I really would. Hope I’m not just talking to a Void and hope I’m not alone.
Love Light Water
Respect Blessings Gratitude
Thanks for sharing your experience!
DeleteI completely understand how important to find someone with similar experience after such revelations. I recall myself searching the entire web for it after my Ayahausca session, but didn't find too much...
I faced the meaning of Absolutely Nothing during my second experience, and it was terrible and very hard to comprehend by "normal" consciousness even today, few years later...
I reccomend you to write down your experience with all the details you can recall as soon as you can, as long as all your memories are fresh. I believe it could help to integrate your Ayahausca experience.
It would be nice if you could share the full version of you experience, I really want to read it.